section 1
Every follower of Jesus has purposeful tasks, opportunities and gifts to glorify the Lord and to bless others with Him i corinthians 12:7 i corinthians 3:5 . This comes about in the everyday matthew 6:33-34 "monotony" of God’s orchestration of the time and place you find yourself in acts 17:26-27 . So, as long as it is called today hebrews 3:13 , now is your time and here is the place to respond to the Lord in the circumstances that He has prepared for you to serve Him in ephesians 2:10 ii corinthians 6:1-2 i corinthians 7:17, 19-20, 24 . But in today’s church there has been a disservice of our view of God’s working out of our lives, especially of younger people whose lives we think are the only ones actually still being molded and unfolded. We tend to focus on life, not here and now, but beginning then and there…i.e. when I finally get a career, get married and start a family. While this may be the typical outcome for many, it is not the only template for living a fruitful life unto the Lord. In fact, our Lord Himself never started a biological family of His own but rather cultivated a spiritual family in the Heavenly Father mark 3:33-35 ephesians 3:14-15 . He didn’t have a lasting career or a retirement plan for this world luke 12:32-34 , and He never even established Himself into a house matthew 8:20 . He was, by modern, human sensibilities: a single, homeless vagrant.
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.
What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task.
my notes:
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today," so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
For He says, "In the time of My favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you." I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.
my notes:
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
"Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother."
For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from Whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named...
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Jesus replied, "Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head."
section 2
All humans struggle with living in the here and now as we get distracted with the delusional selfishness of this world’s then and there. But in the church, we tend to especially romanticize and idolize marriage to the point that anything outside of marriage is almost regarded as an unfulfilled life. The apostle Paul would not agree i corinthians 7:8 . Each of us has our tasks and giftedness for serving our Lord. Marriage OR singleness are not circumstances to be rectified but opportunities to respond to the Lord in; each is a gift from God to serve Him i corinthians 7:7 .
To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am.
I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
my notes:
section 3
Perhaps the problem comes from the fact that we all have at least a season of singleness we start out with, but most in the church aspire, maybe even crave, more…to be married, have kids, etc., and the majority go on to live out a season of marriage. So, the error comes when we think a majority equals right, a majority equals normal, a majority equals fruitful. But it simply isn’t so. Yes, we have been given the privileged right to be married i corinthians 9:5 , but it is not an obligation but an option i corinthians 7:6 . There are some who are called to be single for their whole life matthew 19:11-12 , but we would do well to remember that all of us have been called to be single for at least a season of life. And no matter what gift you have received, single or married, we are all called to be fully devoted to the Lord, which by the way is more natural for the unmarried believer i corinthians 7:32-35 .
Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas?
my notes:
Jesus replied, "Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
my notes:
section 4
So how should a single follower of Christ respond to God’s orchestration of their life, here and now? Remember, it is not a matter of then and there, but here and now. How should one single person live? How should one live who wishes to remain single vs. the one who wishes to be married?
All people should live holy, godly lives: single, married, widowed, eunuch, parent, child, etc. ii peter 3:11 . But specifically for the single believer- one should learn self-control i corinthians 7:8-9 i thessalonians 4:4 , for single people should learn to rely on God i timothy 5:5 psalm 146:3, 5 as they do not naturally, readily have another human who lifts them up when self-control may be lacking ecclesiastes 4:9-12 . Though none of us can count on others, even a spouse to make us holy micah 7:5 , the single person is graced with the opportunity for a singular focus- without the distractions, responsibilities and needs of a married life i corinthians 7:32-35 ; this one is to put hope in God and talk with Him for help continually i timothy 5:5 i john 4:16 . Yet, one who is single must be careful not to use his/her freedom as a cover up for evil i peter 2:16 , but to be busy in the Lord’s business lest he/she incur judgment for being an idle busybody i timothy 5:11, 13 ii thessalonians 3:11 . The single one should focus on cultivating relationships in the Lord’s family and treating peers (specifically, potential spouses) as siblings i timothy 5:1-2 until a God-given marriage relationship develops song of songs 4:12 . More on that later…
Since everything will be destroyed in this way, what kind of people ought you to be? You ought to live holy and godly lives
my notes:
I say to the unmarried and to widows: It is good for them if they remain as I am. But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable...
The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.
Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.
Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
my notes:
Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the words of your lips.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
my notes:
As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry.
Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also busybodies who talk nonsense, saying things they ought not to.
We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies.
Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
my notes:
section 5
not wanting to be married
The one who finds he/she has no burning desire for marriage i corinthians 7:9 , the instruction is far simpler and the path much clearer i corinthians 7:37-38 . This single one should use his/her life to serve and cultivate the spiritual family as Christ did; gaining parents, siblings and children through the love of Jesus matthew 12:46-50 luke 18:29-30 titus 1:4 . Just as all others are response-able, this is done in the fellowship of the believers’ open hearts ii corinthians 6:11-13, 7:2-3 , discipleship i timothy 1:2 , compassionate ministry philemon 10 , the brotherhood of faith philemon 16 and mutual concern i corinthians 12:25-27 . A single person should devote himself to Christ’s interests in others i corinthians 7:32 philippians 2:20-21 , while believers in the church with natural families should welcome a single person in with equal devotion into their spiritual family i corinthians 7:35 galatians 4:14 i corinthians 12:25 without silly pressure to get married i corinthians 12:4-7, 11 .
Single one, do not take to heart or be resentful of any foolish pressure or thoughtless questions about your single state ecclesiastes 7:21-22 , but be confident in God’s calling on you i corinthians 12:18-21 . The single person should just continually use this gift of unspoken-for-resources to faithfully serve and administer God’s grace to others they have opportunity with i peter 4:10 galatians 6:10 .
But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
my notes:
But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.
While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, His mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to Him. Someone told Him, "Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to You." He replied to him, "Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?" Pointing to His disciples, He said, "Here are My mother and My brothers. For whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother."
"Truly I tell you," Jesus said to them, "no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life."
To Titus, my true son in our common faith: Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior.
my notes:
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.
Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one. I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you.
To Timothy my true son in the faith: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
that I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains.
no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord.
so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.
my notes:
But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord.
I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare. For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.
I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
and even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn. Instead, you welcomed me as if I were an angel of God, as if I were Christ Jesus Himself.
so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.
my notes:
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.
All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and He distributes them to each one, just as He determines.
Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you— for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.
But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as He wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don’t need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don’t need you!"
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
my notes:
section 6
wanting to be married
Now for the single people who find themselves wanting to marry, the path can be a bit more complicated. One wanting to be married should realize that though these desires are natural romans 1:27 and acting on it is even advisable in cases i timothy 5:14 i corinthians 7:9 . Still, these desires are corrupted in our natural selves i timothy 5:11 romans 7:18-20 and as such should not simply be indulged in galatians 5:13 or pursued i corinthians 7:27 , but rather taken as an opportunity to learn self-control titus 2:5-6 i thessalonians 4:3-6 and to worship the Lord sacrificially with a Heavenly mindset romans 12:1-2 . For who knows what may come about in that desire james 4:13-16 i corinthians 7:16 ? Desire alone does not certify God’s will for your life proverbs 6:25 but is always an opportunity to worship Him sacrificially galatians 5:16-17 .
In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
But if they do not have self-control, they should marry, since it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
my notes:
But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.
{younger women}...be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God. Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.
Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.
my notes:
section 7
To elaborate, if one finds his/her desires promoting a more typical course towards marriage, one should do so with self-awareness for self-control’s sake i thessalonians 5:6 . A romantic relationship is not advisable to one who has not first learned to control their own immature desires ii timothy 2:22 . Marriage is not a cure for selfishness or impurity; the character you bring into a marriage remains and is not overcome by vows of marriage; rather it is overcome by God’s grace to work out in us the holy sweat of killing the old character and developing Christ’s new character within one’s self ephesians 4:20-24 galatians 2:20 . Marriage is not a cure of immoral cravings proverbs 23:27-28 but rather the legitimate fulfillment of loving desire that has been instructed by God proverbs 5:15-20 song of songs 7:10, 8:6-7 which satisfies the loving proverbs 5:19 song of songs 8:10 but will only inflame the selfish ephesians 4:19 i thessalonians 4:3-6 .
So then, let us not sleep, like the rest, but let us stay awake and be self-controlled.
Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
my notes:
That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.
for an adulterous woman is a deep pit, and a wayward wife is a narrow well. Like a bandit she lies in wait and multiplies the unfaithful among men.
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love. Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife? Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
my notes:
I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.
A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment.
They became callous and gave themselves over to promiscuity for the practice of every kind of impurity with a desire for more and more.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before.
my notes:
section 8
Hence why God gave parents/siblings as guardians over the ill-disciplined but does not prohibit a self-controlled one from the option of marriage song of songs 8:8-9 , but rather the self-controlled one is a treasure awaiting the proper time to be enjoyed song of songs 4:12 . Self-control is vital for guarding the heart’s inclination towards selfish cravings and destructive actions proverbs 25:28 proverbs 4:23 i thessalonians 4:6 ; while learning self-control song of songs 8:4 has the benefit of preparing one for being a proper lover in marriage i peter 1:13 song of songs 7:13 , physically i corinthians 7:4 song of songs 7:6 and most importantly, spiritually ephesians 5:21-33 song of songs 2:4 .
"We have a little sister, And she has no breasts; What shall we do for our sister On the day when she is spoken for? "If she is a wall, We will build on her a battlement of silver; But if she is a door, We will barricade her with planks of cedar."
You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
my notes:
This means one must not transgress against and take advantage of a brother or sister in this manner, because the Lord is an avenger of all these offenses, as we also previously told and warned you.
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved.
my notes:
The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of His body.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
my notes:
section 9
craving vs. desire
So, it is important within ourselves to distinguish between craving and desire hebrews 5:13-14 . While these words can be used as synonyms in certain contexts, they also have drastic differences in other uses. For our purposes we are looking at how human cravings i john 2:16-17 are different than godly…God-spurred desires i peter 4:1-2 . How can we tell if we are being selfishly ambition james 3:13-16 ii samuel 13:1-2 or are actually loving another properly song of songs 4:9 i corinthians 7:36 ? How can we really tell if we are just being discontent ii samuel 12:8-9 ii peter 2:14 or contentedly following God with decisions in the opportunities He has laid out for us jeremiah 10:23 proverbs 16:9 i corinthians 16:12 psalm 119:133 ?
Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.
my notes:
Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
You have captured my heart, my sister, my bride. You have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
my notes:
I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the Word of the LORD by doing what is evil in His eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites.
They have eyes full of adultery, insatiable for sin. They entice unsteady souls. They have hearts trained in greed. Accursed children!
I know, LORD, that a person’s way of life is not his own; no one who walks determines his own steps.
Now about our brother Apollos: I strongly urged him to go to you with the brothers. He was quite unwilling to go now, but he will go when he has the opportunity.
my notes:
section 10
Have you ever had the munchies that end as a late-night snack? One in which you want something…maybe salty or maybe sweet…but you just can’t put your finger on it? You eat some chips; then you eat some cookies, going back and forth, and still you feel like you haven’t found what you are looking for. Then you end up eating until you are so full you feel sick proverbs 25:16 , and yet still unsettled that you didn’t get what you wanted ephesians 4:19 ? You, my friend, have just had a craving. Cravings are directionless jude 13 , indefinite ecclesiastes 6:9 , Biblically unattainable james 4:2-3 and insatiable ecclesiastes 6:7 proverbs 27:20 because of the ambiguous, deceptive, and destructive nature of them ephesians 2:3 proverbs 4:19 . Cravings seem to hold promise, but they only enslave ii peter 2:18-19 and disappoint psalm 112:10 . Oh, how many marriages were formed from cravings and have led to continued misery. Better alone and free than married and miserable.
They became callous and gave themselves over to promiscuity for the practice of every kind of impurity with a desire for more and more.
my notes:
They are wild waves of the sea, foaming up their shame; wandering stars, for whom blackest darkness has been reserved forever.
Better is the sight of the eyes than the wandering of the appetite: this also is vanity and a striving after wind.
You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Just as Death and Destruction are never satisfied, so human desire is never satisfied.
my notes:
Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.
But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble.
For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of the flesh, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for "people are slaves to whatever has mastered them."
The wicked will see and be vexed, they will gnash their teeth and waste away; the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.
my notes:
section 11
On the other hand, God-spurred desires do not leave one confused i corinthians 14:33 but are actionable deuteronomy 30:11-14 , directed proverbs 3:5-6 isaiah 30:21 , Biblically attainable proverbs 16:31 , specific james 4:17 proverbs 3:27 i corinthians 7:36 and ultimately satisfying proverbs 5:19 ; even if the outcome is not clear, the next step of obedience is isaiah 50:10 psalm 119:105 , if only just to be patient psalm 27:14 . To be confident enough to follow godly desires nehemiah 7:5 rather than being afraid we are falling for our human cravings proverbs 14:12 , we need a heart being unified in love for God psalm 86:11 . He gives us new desires psalm 37:4 titus 2:11-14 ezekiel 36:26-27 as we cooperate with Him in sacrificial worship romans 12:1 so that we do and agree with His will romans 12:2 isaiah 58:13-14 .
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints...
Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" No, the Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
my notes:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
my notes:
Who among you fears the LORD and obeys the Word of His servant? Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God.
So my God put it into my heart to assemble the nobles, the officials and the common people for registration by families. I found the genealogical record of those who had been the first to return. This is what I found written there:
Teach me Your way, LORD, that I may rely on Your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
my notes:
For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, Who gave Himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for Himself a people that are His very own, eager to do what is good.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit in you and move you to follow My decrees and be careful to keep My laws.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.
"If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on My holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob." For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.
my notes:
section 12
For the one wanting to be married, you do not necessarily desire amiss. But how do you know if you should marry? Let’s walk through it. Desire alone is not enough to be confident. For Biblical confidence you have to seek the Lord in all you are doing, and He makes the path straight for one who is truly looking for His will, Him Himself proverbs 3:5-6 jeremiah 29:13 . You are favored by God if you find a spouse proverbs 18:22 , as a spouse is a special gift from God Himself proverbs 19:14 . But this world promotes selfish ambition rather than waiting on God in faith psalm 130:5 . We are not to force our way into marriage i corinthians 7:27 . Romantic love needs no compulsion from us, but rather self-control i corinthians 7:36-37 song of songs 2:7 . But we tend to be afraid of missing out, so we force the issue when we should simply obey the commands in the given situation we already find ourselves in and trust God to move our hearts i corinthians 7:17, 19-20, 24 .
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know Him, and He will make your paths straight.
my notes:
Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.
my notes:
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
my notes:
section 13
One is confidently free to marry (or the precursor- court, date, get-to-know, etc.) any they desire if only they follow God’s directions psalm 119:45 numbers 36:6 ; for when we seek the Kingdom everything else falls into place matthew 6:33 , pleasant and unpleasant-for our good romans 8:28-29 . So here are questions we can ask to find the command-markers of the Way to a marriage born from God-spurred desires jeremiah 6:16 .
This is what the LORD commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan.
my notes:
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.
This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’
my notes:
section 14
questions to ponder
If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.
-Remember craving vs. desire- Do you have someone you specifically, actionably could marry? Is it an actual someone you desire or an anybody you crave? Are you in love with the idea of marriage or do you desire a specific person?
In the course of time, Amnon son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom son of David. Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her.
But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, "Come to bed with me, my sister." "No, my brother!" she said to him. "Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you." But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her. Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her.
-Are you both desirous of each other?
my notes:
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
-Are you both Biblically free to marry?
"Haven’t you read," He replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
-Would you both be a God-created male and female unity?
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
my notes:
We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange—I speak as to my children—open wide your hearts also.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be My people." Therefore, "Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." And, "I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. Make room for us in your hearts. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have exploited no one. I do not say this to condemn you; I have said before that you have such a place in our hearts that we would live or die with you.
-Are you both equally-yoked followers of Jesus?
my notes:
These are the statutes that the LORD commanded Moses about a man and his wife and about a father and his daughter while she is in her youth within her father’s house.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise—"so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
-If you still are under your parent’s authority, do they approve of this union?
-Are you in agreement on non-negotiable issues?
my notes:
Some of the elders of Israel came to me and sat down in front of me. Then the word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, these men have set up idols in their hearts and put wicked stumbling blocks before their faces. Should I let them inquire of me at all? Therefore speak to them and tell them, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: When any of the Israelites set up idols in their hearts and put a wicked stumbling block before their faces and then go to a prophet, I the LORD will answer them myself in keeping with their great idolatry. I will do this to recapture the hearts of the people of Israel, who have all deserted me for their idols.’ "Therefore say to the people of Israel, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Repent! Turn from your idols and renounce all your detestable practices! " ‘When any of the Israelites or any foreigner residing in Israel separate themselves from me and set up idols in their hearts and put a wicked stumbling block before their faces and then go to a prophet to inquire of me, I the LORD will answer them myself. I will set my face against them and make them an example and a byword. I will remove them from my people. Then you will know that I am the LORD.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, Who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
-Have you sincerely asked God for His wisdom?
my notes:
Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life.
-Have you sought godly counsel from others who know you both?
When one earnestly seeks to please the Lord rather than force his/her desires upon a relationship, he/she can go forward with a clear conscience that they have not merely followed their own cravings, but that they have soberly sought out the Lord’s Way.
my notes:
section 15
for your personal study and information
widows/widowers
i corinthians 7:39 A widow(er) is free to marry any in the Lord as the death of a spouse releases any bond of commitment of marriage.
i corinthians 7:40 Perhaps for sentimentality, long-practiced lifestyle, the potential for a divided heart, etc. a widow(er) might be happier to remain single.
i timothy 5:5 Widow(er)s are to put their hope in God alone, seek Him.
i timothy 5:6 A widow(er) who lives for her/his own pleasures is living a dead life. So, do not start living in a self-focused way.
i timothy 5:9-10 A widow(er) should expect no regular financial support from the church unless she is older than sixty AND has had a life of faithful giving to others beforehand.
i timothy 5:11-14 i corinthians 7:40 Younger widow(er)s would most likely be more blessed to be married and busy with a family, rather than become a busybody. But if one wants to remain independent, she/he is most likely happier still.
numbers 30:9 Widows have independent authority over their own lives. They are not subject to a husband or a parent whatever the age.
the single divorced and the abandoned
i corinthians 7:15 If you are divorced because your former spouse abandoned you, let that unbeliever leave. You are free to marry once again if your conscience allows you to move on.
i corinthians 7:10-13 Divorce or separation is not the designed course, even in unpleasant circumstances, but if one does separate for unbiblical reasons matthew 19:9 , it is adultery to marry someone else mark 10:11-12 . The goal should be reconciliation with your spouse. But if you think that is impossible, at the least, remain single rather than compound your sin job 34:37 .
numbers 30:9 If somehow you find yourself Biblically divorced, you have independent authority over your own life; you are not bound by a spouse or a parent.
deuteronomy 24:1-4 jeremiah 3:1 Divorce then marrying another excludes remarriage to your former spouse. That marriage is completely dissolved now, if even through sinful divorce on your part. But there is hope for the repentant even from these sins ii samuel 12:13 , but when we do things our way, those consequences are often lifelong sorrows ii samuel 12:9-10 ecclesiastes 9:18 luke 19:41-44 . But eternal life shall wipe every tear away revelation 21:4 .
In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is–and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.
No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, 10 and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.
As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry.12 Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. 13 Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. 14 So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD. Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.
If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled? But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers–would you now return to me?” declares the LORD.
Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the LORD.” Nathan replied, “The LORD has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.
Why did you despise the word of the LORD by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’
As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it 42 and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace–but now it is hidden from your eyes. 43 The days will come upon you when your enemies will build an embankment against you and encircle you and hem you in on every side. 44 They will dash you to the ground, you and the children within your walls. They will not leave one stone on another, because you did not recognize the time of God’s coming to you.”
To his sin he adds rebellion; scornfully he claps his hands among us and multiplies his words against God.
section 16
single final thoughts
Everyone, married, single, widowed, divorced, abandoned, etc., is to strive ii corinthians 13:11 for an undivided devotion to the Lord i corinthians 7:32-35 psalm 86:11 as He is the One we are eternally pledged to ii corinthians 11:2-3 matthew 22:30 in regards to a faithful conscience towards Him i peter 3:21 .
Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
my notes:
Teach me Your way, LORD, that I may rely on Your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your name.
I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to Him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.
and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a clear conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ...
my notes:
Scripture quotations taken from one or more of the following versions as noted:
ESV = The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®) Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved.
NIV = The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
NLT = The Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
NASB = NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE(R), Copyright (C) 1960,1962,1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.
HCSB = Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Used by Permission HCSB ©1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 Holman Bible Publishers. Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Holman CSB®, and HCSB® are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.
NKJV = New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.