when "arguing" is good

Arguing more = communicating more

When sinful people are put together for any extended period of time, there will eventually be conflict. And of course, the Scriptures are very clear that we are not supposed to argue:

philippians 2:14-16

Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16 as you hold out the word of life–in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.

And so, when we talk about "arguing" in this study, we're not talking about fighting or pushing against God or against each other. What we're really talking about is the willingness to openly discuss our disagreements, thoughts and feelings with a willingness to hear the opposing view, all with the goal of Godly reconciliation. So with that said, let's dive in!

"Peace and Quiet"

These often seem to go together. And while peace can often lead to quiet, quiet does NOT lead to peace ezekiel 13:10-12 .
Peace comes after open discussion (sometimes arguing) of differences leading to reconciliation.

ezekiel 13:10-12 niv

[God says] ‘Because they [false prophets] lead my people astray, saying, "Peace," when there is no peace, and because, when a flimsy wall is built, they cover it with whitewash, 11 therefore tell those who cover it with whitewash that it is going to fall. Rain will come in torrents, and I will send hailstones hurtling down, and violent winds will burst forth. 12 When the wall collapses, will people not ask you, "Where is the whitewash you covered it with?"

Pressure Release like a Rocket

Putting two sinners together for any extended period of time will always bring conflict.
That pressure has to be released in a measured and controlled manner.
A rocket, for example, is propelled by a controlled release of pressure.
When the different components of the fuel are carefully mixed, (like hypergolic propellants) they naturally ignite and create pressure.
When that pressure is released in a directed and controlled manner, it creates positive thrust. proverbs 15:1 isaiah 1:18 matthew 5:23-24 matthew 18:15
Without the release, Kaboom! hebrews 12:15
Release without careful controls? Kaboom! proverbs 29:11
And so, we need to be willing to have discussions which are sometimes uncomfortable or difficult.
And when we do that, we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry! james 1:19-20

proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

proverbs 29:11 niv

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

isaiah 1:18 niv

"Come now, let us reason together," says the LORD.

"Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

matthew 5:23-24 niv

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

matthew 18:15 niv

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.

hebrews 12:15 niv

See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.

james 1:19-20 niv

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

If Your Spouse is Bugging You, Who’s the First Person You Should Tell?

1. God!

2. Your Spouse!

Being In Synch

In order for people to work together effectively, they have to be on the same page.
In order for two people to be in synch with each other, they each have to know where the other person is!
This requires communication: Both with each other, and especially with God! philippians 4:2
Resolving conflicts isn’t about agreeing with each other; it’s about agreeing with God! acts 2:44
If both husband and wife are in step with the Holy Spirit, guess who else they’ll be in step with? galatians 5:25

philippians 4:2 niv

I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord.

acts 2:44 niv

All the believers were together and had everything in common.

galatians 5:25 niv

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Don’t "Turtle!"

When correction or rebuke come, don’t retreat into yourself. Be willing to accept rebuke. 1 john 1:8-10
Recognize rebuke as an act of love. proverbs 27:5-6
Accept it as discipline which will benefit you. hebrews 12:11

proverbs 27:5-6 niv

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

hebrews 12:11 niv

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

1 john 1:8-10 niv

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.

Don’t be Easily Offended

Love others enough to not be offended by them! 1 corinthians 13:4-6

1 corinthians 13:4-6 niv

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Don’t Take Things so Personally

Don’t take yourself too seriously

Seeking the Perception of Perfection?

Be willing to be seen in your imperfection. romans 12:3
Be real and genuine.
Own up to struggles.

romans 12:3 niv

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

do you need to have an “argument?”

Not the kind where you’re angrily shouting at each other and tearing each other down; we’re talking about a measured, two-way discussion where you can “argue” your perspective and hear out the other person with the desire to understand them.

Perhaps it’s time to release that pressure in a good way, and to get rid of the baggage that separates you. As you do this, keep the following points in mind:

Resolve beforehand:

To fully listen
Not to interrupt
To truly consider the validity of the opposing points
To not become angry
To be lovingly truthful
To speak from love for the benefit of the other person
To not raise your voice
To affirm your love
To admit to your sin
To be willing to commit to changing for the benefit of the other person
To pray together
To search the Scriptures together