Biblical dating

©2018 dan bulkley | danbulkley1@aol.com

1. introduction

Dating, as defined by dictionaries, is a stage in romantic relationships whereby two people interact socially with the aim of assessing each other’s suitability as a prospective mate.

This process, along with all of its facets and pitfalls, is the basis for many songs and stories in our culture. This process may take different forms in different world cultures, ranging from arranged marriages to free-for-all dating. But regardless of all of the world’s ideas about how to select a spouse, it is God’s Word that should define how we go about this process.

 

2. proper times and procedures:

As Scripture shows, there is a proper time and procedure for everything:

I corinthians 7:36-38

If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin–this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better.

ecclesiastes 8:6

For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a man’s misery weighs heavily upon him.

As you can see, romantic relationships are no exception to this. There is indeed a proper time and procedure for romantic relationships:

song of solomon 8:4

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Make sure you are conducting yourself in the proper way towards the one you are attracted to. Do not proceed in passion or lust taking advantage of another, but rather conduct yourself honorably in holiness towards the Lord and the one you are attracted to, as shown in First Thessalonians:

I thessalonians 4:4-7

...that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.

a. getting, or giving?

If we’re honest, one of the primary motives for dating is to benefit ourselves with someone who is pleasant to be with and who blesses us. However, as we go about this, we should do so with an attitude of giving rather than getting.

acts 20:35

In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”

If your “dating” is about what you get rather than what you give then you are already on the wrong track.

acts 20:24

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me–the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.

Be sure you are looking to build a mutually benefiting relationship.

romans 1:11-12

I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong– 12 that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith.

Work for a mutually beneficial relationship by focusing on building up your significant other’s growth in the Lord:

romans 14:19

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.

romans 15:2-3

Each of us should please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. 3 For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.”

As you focus on building up your significant other’s growth in the Lord, be sure that you aren’t just doing it for your own sake, but for Christ’s sake.

philippians 2:20-21

I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine interest in your welfare. 21 For everyone looks out for his own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

You are to look to others’ interests more than your own to build them up and benefit them.

I corinthians 10:23-24

Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive. 24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

If you are thinking about what you want more than what is good for the person you are interested in than your “affection” is selfish infatuation.

jeremiah 45:5

Should you then seek great things for yourself? Seek them not. For I will bring disaster on all people, declares the Lord, but wherever you go I will let you escape with your life.’ ”

philippians 2:3

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Selfish infatuation is a path to guilt-ridden hatred. A sad story in Second Samuel chapter 13 shows this, when Amnon was infatuated with his sister. Through a series of deceptive events, he raped her, only to find no satisfaction for himself or for her.

II samuel 13:1-15 (verse 15 shown here)

Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”

proverbs 29:25

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

b. whom are you trying to please?

luke 14:26

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple.”

Who are you trying to please or impress? Your parents? Consider these examples:

genesis 26:34

When Esau was forty years old, he married Judith daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and also Basemath daughter of Elon the Hittite.

genesis 28:6-9

Now Esau learned that Isaac had blessed Jacob and had sent him to Paddan Aram to take a wife from there, and that when he blessed him he commanded him, “Do not marry a Canaanite woman,” 7 and that Jacob had obeyed his father and mother and had gone to Paddan Aram. 8 Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; 9 so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.

What about trying to impress your friends?

proverbs 13:20

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

I kings 12:8-14

But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. 9 He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?”

10 The young men who had grown up with him replied, “Tell these people who have said to you, ‘Your father put a heavy yoke on us, but make our yoke lighter’–tell them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist. 11 My father laid on you a heavy yoke; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.’ ”

12 Three days later Jeroboam and all the people returned to Rehoboam, as the king had said, “Come back to me in three days.”13 The king answered the people harshly. Rejecting the advice given him by the elders, 14 he followed the advice of the young men and said, “My father made your yoke heavy; I will make it even heavier. My father scourged you with whips; I will scourge you with scorpions.”

Are you trying to impress your romantic interest?

I kings 11:1-4

King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter–Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites.2 They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love. 3 He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. 4 As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David his father had been.

genesis 3:17

To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;

through painful toil you will eat of it

all the days of your life.

As you can see, trying to impress others should not be your goal. Seek to please God in your decisions above all else or else you are already walking in danger. Consider Proverbs chapter 2 (three verses of which are shown below):

proverbs 2:1-19 (verses 16-19 shown here)

It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, 17 who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God. 18 For her house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of the dead. 19 None who go to her return or attain the paths of life.

 

3. romance modeled after God’s love

hosea 2:19-20

I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. 20 I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.

Remember a romantic relationship is modeled after God’s faithful love for His people, as shown here:

ephesians 5:23-27

For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

Additionally, a Biblical romantic relationship is supposed to model God’s faithful love for those on the outside looking in.

titus 2:1-10

You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. 2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.

3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. 7 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness 8 and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

9 Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, 10 and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted, so that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive.

So if you are looking to date for just the fun of it, for social status or personal fulfillment, you’re missing the point:

I corinthians 10:31

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

malachi 2:15

Has not [the Lord] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

If your dating is not motivated for the glory of God, then you have need of repentance:

acts 8:21-22

You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. 22 Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord. Perhaps he will forgive you for having such a thought in your heart.

Additionally, you need a renewal of mind.

romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.

 

4. unequally yoked

II corinthians 6:14-7:1

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial ? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.”

17 “Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” 18 “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

1 Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

When you seek to enter into a romantic relationship, the goal is to eventually achieve oneness of flesh and spirit:

malachi 2:15

Has not [the Lord] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

philippians 2:1-2

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose.

But the kind of oneness of flesh and spirit that a romantic relationship seeks to achieve should not be attempted with one who is not seeking after the Lord.

I corinthians 7:39

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

After all, if you can’t agree on the greatest pursuit in life and can’t share in the very Holy Spirit who indwells you, how can you build on that?

matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

colossians 3:4

When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory

Do you see that? Christ is your very life! If He is not also the very life of your significant other, you will never find blessing walking together.

amos 3:3

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

 

5. God’s leading, or infatuation?

I corinthians 7:27-28

Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

Ask yourself: Are you more attracted to a specific person, or the idea of a romantic relationship? One could legitimately be God’s leading of a faithful heart, as shown here:

psalm 37:4

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

song of solomon 4:9

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.

proverbs 19:14

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

But with the wrong focus and motivation, it could be an infatuation, with the desire simply gain romance out of greed, lust or idolatry.

proverbs 10:28

The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing.

colossians 3:5

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

Determine to stay content in the circumstances God has called you to until He makes it clear that He is calling you to something different:

I corinthians 7:24

Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

philippians 4:11-13

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

song of solomon 4:9-10

You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.

10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!

a. the friend zone?

The “friend zone” isn’t actually such a bad place to be. If you begin by treating those in whom you’re interested with absolute purity, you’re in a good position to get to know them better:

I timothy 5:2

Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

It is better to get to know each other properly as brother and sister while becoming friends. Then, it is possible that friendship can become a genuine romantic interest, which in turn can develop into a spousal relationship (as modeled in the book of Ruth). If all these things happen, then with a clear conscience and freedom, it can become a relationship for two to be lovers in soul and body:

genesis 2:23-25

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

 

6. the proper time

a. when is the right time?

song of solomon 8:8-9

We have a little sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? 9 If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar.

There is a proper time and age for even following up on romantic relationships, and it is associated with sexual maturity.

ezekiel 16:7-8

I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew and developed and entered puberty. Your breasts had formed and your hair had grown, yet you were stark naked.

8 “‘Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.

if she is a wall...

If one shows maturity spiritually to control one’s self physically (a wall) to the time of sexual maturity then romantic pursuits, according to opportunity from God might be in order:

proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

proverbs 18:22

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

proverbs 19:14

Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

if she is a door...

On the other hand, if one is ill-disciplined (a door) then romantic pursuits should be pushed off until self-control is learned. Although, once sexual maturity is reached and self-control is still a problem in the context of a romantic relationship, marriage should be encouraged, if it is in the Lord.

I corinthians 7:1-2

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

I corinthians 7:9

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I corinthians 7:39

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

If you find you have to wait for age or growing in self-control, do not give way to fear of loss:

psalm 16:5-6

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. 6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.

If love and marriage is what God has for you in this situation love will still be there when God’s timing comes about.

song of solomon 8:6-7

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. 7 Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.

b. seek wisdom!

ephesians 6:1-3

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Teens should listen to their parents/leaders very carefully for wisdom in their attraction to someone.

proverbs 5:1-7

My son, pay attention to my wisdom, turn your ear to my words of insight, 2 that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge. 3 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; 4 but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. 5 Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave. 6 She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it. 7 Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say.

proverbs 6:20-26

My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck. 22 When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. 23 For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life, 24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman. 25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes. 26 For a prostitute can be had for a loaf of bread, but another man’s wife preys on your very life.

proverbs 7:1-5

My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you. 2 Keep my commands and you will live; guard my teachings as the apple of your eye. 3 Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. 4 Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and to insight, “You are my relative.” 5 They will keep you from the adulterous woman, from the wayward woman with her seductive words.

Teens should learn from the experience of their parents, both good and bad:

job 32:7

I thought, ‘Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.

Teens should also, of course, learn from the Word:

Hebrews 13:7

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

Additionally, they should seek counsel from wise people who can view the situation with less passionate eyes:

proverbs 19:2

Desire without knowledge is not good— how much more will hasty feet miss the way!

Often, people who are outside of a situation can see more clearly to know the more wise, proper way to go.

ruth 3:1-6

One day Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi said to her, “My daughter, I must find a home for you, where you will be well provided for. 2 Now Boaz, with whose women you have worked, is a relative of ours. Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. 3 Wash, put on perfume, and get dressed in your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don’t let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. 4 When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do.”

5 “I will do whatever you say,” Ruth answered. 6 So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do.

 

7. beware of seduction

I thessalonians 2:5

You know we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed—God is our witness.

Beware of seduction: whether you are the flatterer or the one being flattered, smooth words with impure intent can be the beginning of something dangerous.

proverbs 5:3

For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil...

proverbs 6:23-24

For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life, 24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman.

proverbs 7:21

With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.

Similarly, romantic gestures with impure intent are dangerous.

proverbs 7:15

So I came out to meet you; I looked for you and have found you!

And in the same way, of course, sensual contact with impure intent is very dangerous.

proverbs 7:13-14

She took hold of him and kissed him and with a brazen face she said: 14 “Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home.

Aside from all of that, manipulation and attempts to bring about a certain desired outcome without being honest and without Godly intent is hazardous.

judges 16:15-16

Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me? This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven’t told me the secret of your great strength.” 16 With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it.

Flirting is also dangerous when the intent is ungodly.

proverbs 6:23-25

For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life, 24 keeping you from your neighbor’s wife, from the smooth talk of a wayward woman. 25 Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.

Further, we should not make the mistake of religious whitewashing to mask ungodly and impure intent.

proverbs 7:14

“Today I fulfilled my vows, and I have food from my fellowship offering at home.

All of these things are actually masking greed, which is no love at all. If you pursue anything or are pursued in greed, it is idolatry, and that can steal from, kill and even destroy God’s good, perfect and pleasing will for your life.

I john 5:21

Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

john 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

So flee and abstain from your own selfish desires and instead pursue that which is to be your focus in all your pursuits.

I peter 2:11

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.

II timothy 2:20-22

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. 21 Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

psalm 34:10

The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Better single and lonely than married and miserable. Never lower God’s standards to fulfill your own desires.

 

8. questions to ask yourself

Before pursuing an opportunity for a romantic relationship, ask yourself these questions in view of the wisdom we find in God’s Word:

a. questions about the wisdom of your actions

are you wanting to please God more than yourself?

matthew 6:33

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I peter 2:11

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.

are you spiritually and physically ready for romantic love?

song of solomon 8:8

We have a little sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for?

have you shown self-discipline so far in your life, or is that an area you need to practice before considering pursuing any opportunity with someone else?

song of solomon 8:9

If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar.

are you really even wanting to get married at this point with its responsibilities, or should you abstain from that pursuit for the sake of God’s kingdom?

matthew 19:12

For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.

I corinthians 7:7-9

I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

I corinthians 7:32-38

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

36 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.

are you both of the Biblical opposite gender?

I corinthians 6:9-10

Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

romans 1:26-27

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

are you both unmarried Biblically?

romans 7:2-3

For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. 3 So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.

I corinthians 7:10-15

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

matthew 5:32

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

are you both believers and followers of Jesus Christ?

II corinthians 6:14-17

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said:

“I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” 17 Therefore, “Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.”

I corinthians 7:39

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

are you both obeying your parents and leaders in this as shown in I Corinthians 8:12?

I corinthians 8:12

When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ.

ephesians 6:1-3

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

if not, are there Biblical grounds for not obeying your leaders, as shown in Acts 5:29?

acts 5:29

Peter and the other apostles replied: “We must obey God rather than human beings!

are you both asking for God’s wisdom?

james 1:5

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

are you both in agreement about essential issues?

amos 3:3

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?

b. the gospel/doctrine/direction in life

are you both listening to advice?

proverbs 19:20

Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

c. timing, finances, circumstances, concerns, maturity, etc.

are you both living for God in all your ways and trusting that He will make the path straight for you?

I corinthians 7:25-28

Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

proverbs 3:5-7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. 7 Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.

d. after all criteria is met...

After all criteria is met you are FREE within God’s proper and timely parameters to pursue a self-sacrificial, mutual edifying, romantic relationship with who you want and think best. Do you meet the Biblical criteria?

numbers 36:6

This is what the Lord commands for Zelophehad’s daughters: They may marry anyone they please as long as they marry within their father’s tribal clan.

I corinthians 7:39

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.